So, that introduction has given most of the game away. If you are vegetarian and don't want to eat four types of potato and sauerkraut, don't come here. Move along. It's not for you. If you don't like piles of meat of unknown provenance, don't come here. If you insist each pigyou eat comes with it's own biography, don't eat here. If the cows you grill have to have signed a waiver that they really are happy to be eaten, and would you like to try the specially massaged flank steak (*), don't eat here.
I'm not intending to cast aspersions about the meat quality. I have no doubts about it. It's just not a west coast, organic granola hippie place. It's a German-style Tavern. The food is plentiful, the tables are your gran's old oak affairs, the décor not changed since opening day, and the staff are dressed in dirndls. I like to think out back the chef has on a full lederhosen, but maybe that doesn't pass BC Health regulations. But on the right night, you can be serenaded by a proper Om-pah-pah band or a guy on accordion, bringing back memories of the Fatherland, hiking in the Alps and wining multiple World Cups. Yes, as Englishman, I am a little jealous of their continued footballing glory.
The Germans didn't boil the hell out of everything they came across, turning it into grey mash. They breaded, bashed, fried and grilled it. They pickled the cabbage before serving, and didn't leave it on the stove for 22 hours, just in case. They also made great beer. The English do as well, so we can call that one a tie.
What we had at the Rathskeller was the family style meal. Twelve of us gathered at a big long table, and ordered the sit down, plate sharing meal. For $20 (plus tips, taxes and beers), they will bring out plates of all the good stuff. Bowls of sauerkraut, red cabbage and Spätzle to fill out the corners of the plate are then followed by Vienna/Weiner Schnitzel, Jager Schiztel, Cordon Blue Schnitzel, Bratwurst, Rahm Schitzel (not to be confused with Ramstein) and potato pancakes. Oh, and some cubed potatoes too. There's also apple sauce, sour cream and the VERY important jugs of gravy. Pro-tip Number 1... order extra gravy.
The meat is all delicious. It's not lovingly spiced or delicately flavoured. It's meat. Cooked well, greased up with fat to make your taste buds happy. The cordon blue schnitzel has gooey cheese insides, and look like huge fangs. The (#) Jager Schniztel is pounded flat and served with mushrooms. The Weiner Schitzel is that breaded, flat veal type that I associate mostly with Schnitzel. I could eat about 20 of these. Not at once, but maybe in a week. The Rahm Schnitzel is just Weiner Schnitzel with extra sour cream. 'Just' being a word that fails to cover the awesomeness of adding those two things together.
The good news about the family style meal... you ask for more, they will bring it, as long as you don't look like you are wasting food. What more bratwurst, but have some Wiener Schitzel left over... you aren't getting any more, until you finish what's on your plate. Like a good Bavarian should. But if you do polish off the heaps you've been served, the kitchen will bring out more. It's easy to think this will be rounds and rounds of food, but after you've tried a little of everything, and little bit more of the things you really liked, you will be stuffed. Meat takes up room. It makes you feel full and satiated. The Rathskeller will do that for you. And with this style, the conversation flows, even if it's asking John to pass over the gravy boat, please.
The beers are also good. You can get decent Oktoberfest there at the moment. Malty, just a shade darker than a pilsner with a heaping of extra flavour. I tend to order it in the straight glass, but the Pro-tip Number two is to order the Boot.. A beer in a glass shaped like a boot. And that is all I can say about the boots of beer without ever being ostracised from my friends.
If after a beer or two, and plate (or three) you are still hungry, they serve dessert. I have never been hungry enough to eat dessert. It might be the world's best apple strudel. I have no idea. I suspect I will never find out. You can also get a shot of schnapps, for sipping on, If it's your birthday, you HAVE to get an after dinner schnapps. It's required under the Reinheitsgebot (**).
In short, a great place for family style eating. Provided you like meat. And whatever family you are eating with, be it blood family, adopted family, or the awesome extended friends I have in Victoria that are a bit like distant cousins I like hanging out with, so I do so, not because there's any real kin relationship, but because they are fine people.
(*) Thank you, Douglas Adams and the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
(**) Obviously, it isn't.
(***) Pro-tip Number Three - always choose the black toilet.
(#) Jon Mason has pointed out to me the factual errors in that I have made in this section and now corrected.
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