Day 17 - The Hash Brown Controversy

(My lovely girlfriend has asked me to post this, to explain why I get worked up about hash browns at Breakfast joints)

When a menu says 'hash browns' what do you expect to come with your bacon, eggs and sausage?

It depends it seems.  In some places, it means finely chopped potatoes, fried into little golden cubes.  Other places it's bigger lumps of tuber, sort of par boiled and then fried.  Or it might just mean boiled potatoes, roughed up and shoved into a skillet for a few minutes, with some onion and maybe some cheese.  Or it might be scalloped potatoes, lightly fried. Or just whatever slimy potato the diner wants to get rid of that weekend.

All of these places are lying to you when they say they are serving you hash browns.  It's like asking for a poached egg and getting them fried.  Both are still eggs, but I'd be miffed to get one if I ordered the other.

'True' Hash Browns (according to me) are shredded or riced potatoes, either formed into discs or just cooked straight away so that the starch binds them parts together.  It's the starchiness that makes them clump together into something perfect for breakfast.  Frozen hash browns are acceptable to bear the name, the little wafer thing you get with a Tim Horton's breakfast or the larger, greasy chunk from MacDonalds.  I may not want to eat them, but at least I get what I expect if order them.

Cubed potatoes that are then fried should be called 'country fried potatoes' or 'home fries'. Parboiled and mixed in with onions and other things... that's a hash.  And these things are good, and most welcome on my plate when done well and ordered by name.  Just call them what they are, not some other thing.

Latkes are advance on the concept, with added egg and milk and flour to make the potato pancake. Served with apple sauce, and you got energy for the day.  The Spanish Tortilla takes this even further, with much more eggs in the dish, slower cooked.  So good served by the slice with a little spicy meat and fresh cold beer, over looking the sea somewhere.

Rostis are the Swiss contribution to potato/fry world.  Grated tatties, with a little butter, salt and pepper. Formed into patty's, they look a bit like a shredded hash brown.  Works great with Schnitzel.  And the Brits created Bubble and Squeak... mashed potato, mixed with cabbage and then fried till it's golden.  Creamy on the inside, crunchy on the outside, with the cabbage (or other greens) providing the squeak.  Was a common leftovers dish in the UK.

None of these are hash browns.  Potato waffles, tater tots and croquette potatoes are not hash browns either. Don't call them that on a menu, and I'll be happy.

It seems, though, that not everyone shares my misplaced rage.  Many are happy to be served any sort of potato under the name 'hash browns'. Some think only of the country fried cubes are hash browns, and what I describe as a 'potato patty'. Some think I should get a hobby and a life.

I'd really just like to get Hash Browns when I order them.